My Representative to Congress
November 7th, 2006
Outside of Southern Ohio, Jean Schmidt is a national joke. A serial makeup abuser with Liberace eyes and a wrench-tightened bun of wire-black hair, the first-term Republican congresswoman unwittingly triggered her party’s electoral death spiral when she stood up on the floor of the House of Representatives last year and called Democratic congressman and decorated war veteran John Murtha a “coward.” H It was an incident that propelled “Mean Jean” to the title of reigning arch-dipshit of the American polity, the favored punching bag of the Washington press hyenas and the best thing that happened to late night since Bill Clinton’s cigar. This is a woman, after all, who once angrily protested the cutting of a cake featuring a picture of her face, who got caught claiming endorsements she didn’t actually receive and lying about her college degree. In a Congress full of provincial dumb-asses, Jean Schmidt is this generation’s standout, a Gerry Ford with tits — a half-bright hayseed who lumbers around Washington in garish black-and-red suits seemingly cut from some prison warden’s sofa, racing to stick a foot in her mouth every time someone turns on a video camera.
Leave a Reply